Carried Convictions, Heavy Keys: On Beliefs That No Longer Open Doors
I have just finished reading a book that depicts beliefs, hopes and choices. The one part of the book that hasn’t left me since is this line:
“How strange it is to have carried your convictions like a set of keys, only to realise they will not open any doors.” (Shafak, 2024)
That image of carrying convictions like keys really struck me. Every day, most of us carry keys without giving them much thought, our house key, our car key, maybe even a mysterious one whose purpose we’ve long forgotten but keep “just in case.” Keys are small, familiar, reassuring to hold onto.
Our beliefs can be the same. We carry them as if they were essential to survival: “This is who I am,” “This is how the world works,” “This is what keeps me safe.” Some of these beliefs are useful. They open doors, to growth, to connection, to resilience. But others? They’re like keys for locks that no longer exist. They weigh us down, take up space, and leave us fumbling when we most need clarity.
Why we carry the keys we do
At this point, if you are holding on to your keys, you might challenge this concept by arguing that this is my perspective, based on my experiences. Partially, yes, you are right. I believe in this, which explains why this quote hasn’t left me. However, psychology helps us understand why outdated or unhelpful beliefs stay with us.
- Schemas as master keys: Aaron Beck (1976) described schemas as the mental frameworks that guide how we interpret the world. Like master keys, once they’re cut, they don’t just disappear. We default to them because they once fit, even if the locks of our life have changed.
- The comfort of consistency: Festinger’s (1957) theory of cognitive dissonance tells us that humans dislike internal conflict. It feels easier to keep carrying an old key than to admit it no longer works. That moment of realisation, “this doesn’t open any door I need”, can be painful.
- Beliefs as security: Psychologically, beliefs serve the same purpose as a keychain. They keep us feeling safe, ordered, and in control. Even when the belief is restrictive or outdated, dropping it can feel like walking outside without your house key: unsafe, exposed, unanchored.
- Beliefs as identity: Erikson’s developmental theory reminds us that our sense of self is built by integrating convictions from earlier stages of life. These may be inherited from culture, family, or society. They are deeply entwined with “who I am.” No wonder it feels strange, even threatening, to let them go.
When the wrong keys keep us stuck
Imagine standing in front of a door you long to enter, connection, career, love, self-acceptance, and trying the same key over and over. Twist, jiggle, push. Nothing. Most of us know this frustration, but often we blame ourselves: “I must be broken, I must not deserve this.”
Psychology, also describes and evidence this experience well:
- Learned helplessness (Seligman, 1975): after repeated attempts with the wrong “keys,” we stop trying. We internalise the idea that doors simply won’t open for us.
- Negative core beliefs: Statements like “I’m unlovable” or “I must be perfect to matter” function less as keys and more as padlocks. They don’t open possibility; they shut it down.
- Self-fulfilling prophecy: If I believe a door won’t open, I may never truly attempt the handle. In this way, the key I carry shapes not just my perception, but my lived reality.
Choosing your keyring consciously
The empowering truth is this: we are not condemned to carry the same set of keys forever. Reflection, therapy, and self-awareness allow us to sort through the jangling ring and decide what stays, what goes, and what needs re-shaping.
- Cognitive flexibility (Martin & Rubin, 1995): the ability to shift perspective and adapt to new demands is like testing whether a key still works before giving it permanent space on your chain.
- Self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 1985): Beliefs that support autonomy (my freedom to choose), competence (my sense of capability), and relatedness (my sense of belonging) are the ones that tend to unlock well-being.
- Resilience research (Bonanno, 2004): People who recover well after adversity are not those who carry the heaviest or the most keys, but those who can forge new ones, adaptive beliefs that help them find meaning and problem-solve.
A reflective practice for your keys
Next time you reach for your actual keys, let it be a cue to reflect:
- Identify one belief you hold tightly. (For example: “If I rest, I’m lazy.”)
- Trace its origin: Where did this belief come from? A parent? A cultural script? A past wound?
- Test the lock: Does it open any meaningful doors in your life today? Does it create growth, love, security, or does it close them off?
- Decide its fate:
- Keep it (if it’s still opening doors).
- Discard it (if it never did).
- Reshape it into a new key (for example, “Rest is not laziness; it’s part of building strength”).
This practice is not about throwing away every old key. Some are foundational, they keep us grounded, ethical, compassionate. But many of us also carry rusty ones that no longer fit anywhere, keys that just weigh down the chain.
The locksmith within
What I love about Shafak’s metaphor is its quiet hope. Realising that your convictions don’t open any doors is not failure, it’s clarity. It’s the invitation to create something new.
Because ultimately, you are not just the keeper of keys.
You are the locksmith.
You can forge new beliefs, lighter to carry, finely cut to the doors of your present life and future self. And with every new key, another possibility comes into reach.
Key Takeaways
- Beliefs are like keys, some open doors to growth and connection, others fit locks that no longer exist.
- We keep old beliefs out of habit, identity, or a sense of safety, but carrying them may keep us stuck.
- Schemas and core beliefs shape how we see the world; updating them is part of growth.
- Resilience comes from making new keys, beliefs that create meaning, flexibility, and possibility.
- Ask yourself:
- What belief am I carrying?
- Where did it come from?
- Does it open doors in my life today?
- Should I keep it, reshape it, or let it go?
- Remember: You are not just the keeper of keys. You are the locksmith.
References
- Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.
- Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience. American Psychologist, 59(1), 20–28.
- Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer.
- Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press.
- Martin, M. M., & Rubin, R. B. (1995). A new measure of cognitive flexibility. Psychological Reports, 76(2), 623–626.
- Seligman, M. E. P. (1975). Helplessness: On depression, development, and death. Freeman.
- Shafak, E. (2024). There are rivers in the sky. Penguin Books.